I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower