a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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