i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.