Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Kareoke will never be a sober sport

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  (702): Kareoke will never be a sober sport http://tfl.nu/39pw
  Replies (7) Good night (1259) Bad night (541)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater

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  (905): I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater http://tfl.nu/5s3p
  Replies (19) Good night (1044) Bad night (3393)
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  (925): View more from California

  im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

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  (925): im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going? http://tfl.nu/wvih
  Replies (65) Good night (5173) Bad night (1631)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

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  (917): I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee. http://tfl.nu/dm1b
  Replies (44) Good night (2035) Bad night (7063)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?

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  (973): He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass' (973): Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic. (229): Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom? http://tfl.nu/xp9a
  Replies (9) Good night (4186) Bad night (1084)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work

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  (217): she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work http://tfl.nu/qwhd
  Replies (3) Good night (2334) Bad night (1313)
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  (831): View more from California

  tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better

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  (831): tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better http://tfl.nu/2cpz
  Replies (3) Good night (1790) Bad night (579)
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  (310): View more from California

  Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.

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  (310): Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/3hkr
  Replies (7) Good night (1388) Bad night (633)
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  (845): View more from New York

  The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.

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  (845): The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction. http://tfl.nu/75bn
  Replies (3) Good night (1008) Bad night (499)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.

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  (936): My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away. http://tfl.nu/923e
  Replies (5) Good night (477) Bad night (1096)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.

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  (202): She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising. http://tfl.nu/7jp1
  Replies (2) Good night (789) Bad night (327)
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  (631): View more from New York

  10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.

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  (631): 10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists. http://tfl.nu/k224
  Replies (5) Good night (1039) Bad night (370)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going

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  (+44): I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going http://tfl.nu/bpru
  Replies (5) Good night (671) Bad night (222)
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  (+49): View more from Germany

  ... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.

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  (+49): ... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany. http://tfl.nu/88tv
  Replies (0) Good night (516) Bad night (205)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Why are we so great

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing

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  (860): Why are we so great (1-860): Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing http://tfl.nu/n47n
  Replies (0) Good night (482) Bad night (448)

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