So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
well you can't waste a boner
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...