My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
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I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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