Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE