I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
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tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy