Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...