Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
