i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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