I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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