my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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