TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time