I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You are the jesus of drinking
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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