get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
