We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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