I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
