I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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