Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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