um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
