pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well I just put wine in my tea
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
