Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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