Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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