Do you still have your period?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
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Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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