WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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