i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
