Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
