she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it glows. i had to have it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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