i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
