Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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