Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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