You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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