This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish you could order shots online.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I need moral support for this bender
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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