i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
