So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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