She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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