toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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