Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
