my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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