Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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