I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
