super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
