You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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