guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
