I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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