I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
