Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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