i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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