ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
