When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
