Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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