billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
