i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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