Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize