apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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