Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
