Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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