so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
