just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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