There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
