Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
