NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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