you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
