I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
