i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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