Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
