You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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