i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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